Paddy Gone Wild

They can maintain a conversation with a Motswana by mere grunts for two minutes, words are for the weak! They know when Woolworth's gets their weekly delivery and they are not afraid to fight to the death with a Maun mommy over schnitzels or cherry tomatoes When opening the local sparkling water it does not squirt all over you. This test dates back to when the Bushmen needed to determine if someone was from the area or not, this is why you always see them running away (from the exploding sparkling water) in the bushman paintings They hold hands when speaking to a Motswana They have acquired the one handed mosquito catch skill, a skill to have when your other hand is preoccupied (with holding another guy's hand, with catching another mosquito or you're just too lazy to lift up your other hand) Their driving technique has been finely adapted to the animal hazards on the road. When seeing stray dogs you hover your foot over the brake pedal, you maintain speed when ...

Campfire stories are a big part of the Botswana culture and here's one I heard the other day: George and Georgina were sick of there repetitive city lives and decided that the best way to shake things up was to spread some American cheer around Botswana and specifically Morematao (so pretty much just getting drunk and playing soccer with the locals) . One hangoverless morning they decided their cheer could not be confined to one town and the wildlife along the banks of the Boteti river needed its share. A mokoro (a tree hollowed out to make a canoe) was purchased and loaded with supplies (beer/cheer juice/chuice HAHA) Mokoro Time After bailing a few times, they finally got the hang of it and were ready to rumble. Setting off down the Boteti with chuice in hand, their cheer knew no boundaries! About 4kms of spotting zebra, giraffe, cows and donkeys, it was break time and Goergina pulled off onto the side of the river. She pulled herself out onto the dry land and heard a mass...

 1.) Every smokey fire in the delta is Victoria falls, so please  confirm  with the pilot when seeing fire 2.) Having one engine and one propellor, means it must be a multi-engine aircraft. (Yes someone did ask this question, my faith in the human race was temporarily lost) 3.) Bodily Secretions (it needed its own section, you disgusting people!) a) Sick Bags and bubblegum should be hidden in hard to reach places so the pilot can have fun,  having a mini treasure hunt , after a long day of flying (Finding a used sick bag under the seat cover was one of my loot filled treasure hunts b) Sick bags are only to be used when you either don't have a direct line of fire to the pilots lap or if your seat looks too clean and needs some dirtying up (Apparently the size of sick bags are never quite big enough) c) Make sure to use your sick bag at the beginning of the flight to create a unique odor for the rest of the flight (mmm cheese curls, Doritos and coke) ...

Soooo again this is not a porn site and no I do not want to make a naked video of me doing inappropriate things in a plane (yes, there was a request from someone - some freaky people out there!) So after purchasing my first ever motorbike, Matilda, and having a few lessons in my driveway, I have finally been set free onto the main road which has made me realize a few things about driving and riding in Maun: 1. Anywhere and everywhere, the Maun Magic 40 is applied (40km/h). This is either due to the cars not actually been able to go faster or people not knowing they have a third gear. 2. Before indicating, you must come to a complete stop, turn in the opposite direction to which you want to turn and then indicate. (Not so much fun for a learner bike rider as I tend to stall when I slow down). 3. Warthogs,donkeys and cows are secretly employed by the traffic department to jump into the middle of the road to test your driving ability and if you hit them during the day, it's your faul...

Soooo this is a blog and not a porn site, so for all the perverts out there, it's time to make like a donkey dick aaaaaaaand hit the road, as someone from Botswana would say. My name is Pat but I go by many a name such as P dizzle (gangster name), Pat me groin (Scottish /I'm not too sure name), Patches O'hoolahan (dodgeball name), Patrice(when I'm dressed in ladies clothes name, wait , maybe that's not the best thing to put out there on the Internet) and Veej(family name). The list goes on but I won't bore you with more names and my weird dressing habits. I fly planes in the land of donkeys and cows, Botswana. Which is why I have started a blog as I'm sure there will be some memorable moments. So here's a quick story about a mate of mine. Let's call him George. George is a pilot and was doing an hour and a half flight from the Linyanti to a place called Kasane(See very detailed map below). On this flight his stomach started to give him signals that ...